mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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