Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
