plz talk dirty to me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
