just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
