so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just gift wrapped bread.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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