I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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