Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
