he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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