He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
