I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
