just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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