last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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