i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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