I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
