There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
