why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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