I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
