I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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