Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
