yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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