I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
