you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
