great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
