i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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