Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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