Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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