I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
