so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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