i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
