Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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