I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
