I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
