i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
