I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
