Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
