Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
