i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
