He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
