I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Will exercising make me less horny?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
