i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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