he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm too high and old for this...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
