You really coming over, don't trick.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
