so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
