Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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