I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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