I can tuck mytits in my pants
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
