I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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