I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
