My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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