Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
