Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
