There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
