We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
