I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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