tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
