i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
