I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize