people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
