So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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