a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
