Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
