"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
